Question from a reader

Hi my name is T***. I saw a blog you posted regarding domme work. My friend and I are interested in this type of work. Would you please email me any information you have about finding a job as a dominatrix?
Thank you

Dear T, thanks for the note!

I've said before that phone is a great way to start - but given that my phone site has been down for over a week, I'm not the biggest advocate of that at the moment.

If you want to do live sessions the best way to start is by working with another Domme in your area. Larger Dungeons in big cities do hire, and will usually train. If you are in a smaller city you could try looking for a local Domme on Collarme.com or MaxFisch. Clients sometimes ask for two-girl sessions. I got my start at Foot Fetish parties, you could look for those or other fetish parties in your area. I'd warn against meeting strangers until you have worked with another Domme and found a secure neutral location (not his place or yours) to do your session in. Ropes, electroplay and other advanced bondage techniques do require some training, much of D/s is verbal and I personally feel it should come naturally but it can be cultivated through on-line play or phone.

If you have not already established a "stage name", you may want to do so. As a ProDomme having a stage name serves two very important purposes, first - safety. You don't want your clients knowing your real name, and second - a stage name creates a safe space to play, it's helps you compartmentalize the experiences you'll have, this it especially important when you are dating and domme-ing.

Lastly, set your limits. If there is anything you feel like you would never do, don't bend on that - not for a session. If there are things you might maybe do with an established slave but not a first time session, hold fast on that - sell it. The biggest trick in this industry is selling the fantasy, not giving your sub everything he asked for is actually very good business. This took time for me to learn, women are givers, it's a job and you want to do it well but this job requires an element of fantasy, let there always be a brass ring to grasp.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

NiteFlirt Down

As I am sure some of you noticed, NiteFlirt is down. I just got my cam hooked up and was really looking forward to getting on it this week. Apparently they will be down another week. If you contact me via email we can work something out via amazon gift cards or something of the like.

reach me at;

diydommeblog@gmail.com

This was posted in the speaker forum on NiteFlirt, from the support team as a general announcement to all flirts;

"I know your mad and you have a right to be. And no matter what I say, you will still be mad. I’m not even going to try and say something that I think will make you feel better. We know we made a mistake and we know it is going to take a lot to get back in your good graces."


Good to know I'm not the only one who is steamed about this, we flirts had no notice prior to the outage. I curious what, if anything they will do to "get back in our good graces". They could try paying us faster, the old system worked fine - my only complaint was the 10 days it took to get direct deposit with a %2 fee. They could try paying us more, they currently get about %60 of our earning.

The fairest of the wars

I did not start this blog to talk about my personal life, suffice to say - that would be very complicated. I'm going through some stuff, I'd like to be posting more - I appreciate the phone calls, I really do.

Here is what I can tell you, running errands today these two songs were speaking to me through my MP3 player.

The first is from Nico, you might remember this from The Royal Tenenbaums, or maybe - like me, you are a Velvet Underground fan. Maybe you remember Nico as the Warhol factory muse who fell of her bicycle and died... the song is Fairest of the Seasons

Now that it's time
Now that the hour hand has landed at the end
Now that it's real
Now that the dreams have given all they had to lend
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe try another time
And do I really have a hand in my forgetting ?

Now that I've tried
Now that I've finally found that this is not the way,
Now that I turn
Now that I feel it's time to spend the night away
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe finally split the rhyme
And do I really understand the undernetting ?

Yes and the morning has me
Looking in your eyes
And seeing mine warning me
To read the signs carefully.

Now that it's light
Now that the candle's falling smaller in my mind
Now that it's here
Now that I'm almost not so very far behind
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe follow another sign
And do I really have a song that I can ride on ?


The second is from TV on the Radio, the song is I was a Lover a band I could tell you personal stories about from my Brooklyn days, and maybe someday I will, for now I leave you with this and am off to Brooklyn myself to dance away at least some of my problems.

I was a lover, before this war
held up in a luxury suite, behind a barricaded door
now that I've cleaned up, gone legit
I can see clearly: round hole
round whole, square peg don't fit

I'm locked in my bedroom, so send back the clowns
my clone wears a brown shirt, and I seduce him when there's no one around
mano y mano, on a bed of nails
bring it on like a storm, till I knock the wind out of his sails
And we don't make eye contact, when we have run-in's in town
just a barely polite nod, and nervous stares towards the ground
I once joined a priest class, plastic, inert
in a slowdance with commerce
like a lens up a skirt

And we liked to party
and we kept it live
and we had a three volume tome of contemporary slang
to keep a handle on all this jive

I'd rather DIY than deal with a houseboy.

Are houseboys the new foot fetish? I am bombarded with offers from men who seek to enter my home, take their clothes off and clean naked. Remember what your mom told you? That men just don't see dirt like women do. No one likes to clean, but for the sake of simplicity - and safety I'll DIY before allowing a freaky stranger to get his greasy mitts on my fine crystal.

Years ago with the roommates in Brooklyn we decided to let one of my footslaves "serve" domestically. It was one of those bored craigslists experiments we do when we are young, and the freak just made more of a mess. I left him alone to do the kitchen floor and he made a muddy mess of it and wasn't even green about it, he used a whole roll of paper towels in the process and didn't get all the detergent up, it was sticky. Did he get reprimanded? No, he was just sent home. He had the audacity to ask me for a reference and got his email account blocked, sexy - eh?

In my ideal domestic situation, my sub will do the cleaning. He'll bring me my morning coffee in bed, that would be after some time - this is not my idea of a first date, this is my idea of a primary partner.

There is nothing sexy about identity theft, invasion of personal space or stalking, but these are the risks involved - and the gain a service that is garners low pay. It's simply more risk than benefit, it's also just a cheap date.

In all my time interacting with Dommes, I have never met one who actually has a houseboy. Some pro dungeons allow this, but there is generally a fee involved. For the most part, it is an urban myth.

Whats cookin?

Today I'm thinking about fetish play strait out of the kitchen. Spatulas and wooden spoons are excellent floggers, particularly slotted wooden spoons (smack faster) and you can always put your sub in an apron. Hmmmmm, what else?

I once got a call from a guy claiming to be attempting to put and egg up his butt, I didn't think that sounded like a very good idea but I told him to boil it, then chill it and call me back - I had a friend coming over, she knows I take nightflirt calls so I casually said "oh, this guy might be calling about sticking an egg in his ass" she got such a huge laugh off it, she still says "tell him to stick an egg up his butt" when I complain to her about a sub acting bratty.

Don't try that one at home, kids. What other kitchen items have you used in D/s?