Maja's comment on my last post got me thinking, what is a sex worker? I asked google, and this what I gleaned.
* The sex industry consists of commercial enterprises which employ sex workers in various capacities, generally relating to what is described as adult entertainment which includes erotica, as it comprises a number of forms of entertainment not considered suitable for children.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_industry
If a Sex Industry worker is anyone employed in entertainment that is not suitable for minors that means hi-t0-low end hookers, phone sex-ers, trafficers, truck stop trixies, porn shop counter-person, dirty dvd dubber and occasional fetish party atendees are all in the same category.
NiteFlirt describes the phone service providers as "advisers" but people who provide tax advice and even the phone tarot readers don't get thrown under the bus due to technical difficulties. It's a good thing you have a day job, Maja because those are the people who might show interest in your professional development, at the very least they understand that showing up there is what keeps you fed and pays for the roof over your head.
In the adult industry, we have to pretend we are there for the fun and our clients and business partners can dangle allegiance like a carrot, or just forget about us if it's more convenient. The biggest risk of sex work is becoming dependent on any part of it, don't depend on the money - these companies won't take care of you if they have problems. Don't depend on your clients, as friend or as anything else. These men are paying to have a worry free interaction, the last thing they want to care about is your life - they only want your soft soles, mean teasing - whatever their kink is is where the caring begins and ends. These are not the kind of men who remember birthdays, the sad irony of submissive men is that I have never met onE who takes any initiative in doing anything that has any benefit for me. They will buy you shoes for a session, dinner for their entertainment, but don't call them when rent is due or when you are sick, there is nothing sexy about a woman with actual problems.
The old saying that you don't pay a hooker for sex you pay her to leave hold true for every aspect of the industry, they are paying to call me so I will never call them. They are paying to not owe me anything.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Your comments...
Wow, I didn't know anyone was still reading. I got a couple comments on an old post - tough questions on ProDomme pricing and such, I will attempt to tackle these now. The questions are in italics, my answers are below in plain text. This is a pretty long one, grab a drink and put your feet up!
camerynmoore said...
Hey there!
Good to see you tackling this subject. I do a LOT of phone-domme work, and am looking at diversifying my holdings, as it were. The two things that are holding me back are 1) getting the money together to start up yet _another_ web site and 2) finding a pro domme willing to take me on (and getting money together for that apprenticeship).
Well, and I sometimes wonder if every domme work done for money has the same problem--that the person giving the money sets the parameters and gets to say, bottom line, how things go. Customer is king, and all that.
Like, if I'm domme-ing for fun, I will pick certain things and run those out for miles and miles, and I will make the sub run with me until he or she is dropping, and I'll make bloody sure that they're liking it. But if someone's paying me, and I want them as a repeat customer, it seems to me that I will always have to subject a little fraction of my domme instinct to the almighty dollar. That's definitely the way it is on the phone; is that your experience in real-life domme work?
Maja Parla said...
Hello DIYDomme,
I have a related question. I've been going to foot parties for a little over a year now, and have had one session with a sub outside of the parties. I am wondering, what advice do you have for acquiring a personal submissive? You know, the kind who just serve you (mostly household chores is what I need), but whom you don't date? (It's hard enough meeting someone you like enough to date, let alone requiring that person to be a sub wanting to do all your housework.)
Obviously, there are the standard safety concerns. Aside from the foot parties, I would meet most potential subs online -- even the footparties only happen a couple/a few times a year and it's not a good enough way to get to know someone well enough to invite them to your house. And online seems equally difficult, but I really really want to meet someone I can trust not to be a lunatic who will serve me!
I suppose I could have some sessions in a local dungeon and once a relationship is established and the sub is vetted, invite them to my house, but that is very time-intensive. I just need some quick n dirty help with folding my clothes that pile up every week, and which I hate doing, sigh!! So I really want to get on this, and don't want to have to see someone in person multiple times. Is that reasonable?
Thanks in advance!
Maja Parla said...
And also, I am assuming the personal submissives do *not* pay you? I suppose if we're doing something *he* wants to do, like clean naked, then I would charge him, but if it's just him doing what *i* want him to do, I shouldnt charge?
Thanks in advance!
Lets see, where to start - setting parameters, Cameryn asked who does this in a ProDomme session, the Domme, or the Sub. In my book, it's the Domme - but I have turned down more sessions than I have taken. I'm very selective and there are many things I will not do in a session, I interview extensively and pretty much know how the session is going to go before it starts. Leaving the carrot dangling is tricky, that's different with every scenario. The phone is different, the boundary of it being a phone call makes it a safe space, I'll explore things by phone that I wouldn't touch in a session, I do like to do ongoing training with the phone that is not usually what the person on the other end called for - by nature it is a low commitment way to play anonymously. If you are a natural Domme, training probably isn't needed. There are some important safety things to know about bondage, mainly don't tie anyone up too tight (particularly diabetics) and it's important to know the laws in the state you are in, but the internet can tell you that/
Maja, my personal opinion is that the urban houseboy is urban myth. If you are in the suburbs, or perhaps rural England a house boy might make more sense - way out there a girl has time to train, many rooms to clean, beds to change etc. If you are an urban apartment dweller you have already discovered why the training would take more time than it's worth - in the time it takes to get your sub trained, you could have done it yourself. If all you need is some shirts folded, I'd say wash and fluff is a better deal than loosing a paying customer, and do you really want your clean clothes touched by a naked man? Sessions should be in the hundreds, sending your laundry out should cost a fraction of that. Do some sessions first, after you have seen men perform poorly to elicit punishment you might not want someone who needs so much guidance fumbling through your precious belongings. Some tasks are just not fun, most people don't enjoy doing laundry - the houseboys want to be in your personal space more than they want to perform menial busywork.
For session pricing, check competition in your own city. Contracts for multi-session schedules are common, if you are even thinking about seeing someone outside of the dungeon - make sure he can follow your rules. As for where to find these slaves, the foot parties are a good start. If you are seeing strangers from websites, the interview process can be tiresome, if you are picky it might take some time before you have any sessions. BDSM specific sites will get you seen by your target audience, it will also get you seen by men who have no intention of booking a session, but would love to talk about one. I was lucky to work with another Domme initially who helped me screen and passed some clients along. You've probably already figured out that this is not the kind of job you talk to your friends to about in a bar, working with another Domme gives you someone to go to with these questions.
It's tempting to want to take that cute guy from the foot worship party home, just be smart about it. Get to know him first, sessions at a dungeon are a safe way to do that. Realize that that there is a very good chance that the person you are dealing with struggles with addiction and or/intimacy problems. Get to know his relationship history, married men are often the best option if you are not looking for a committed relationship. Better a married guy than one who cannot maintain relationships with women. Houseboys and playmates generally do not pay, although I have heard of pro dungeons allowing houseboys to clean for a fee.
Good luck, and be careful.
Cameryn, I am so sorry it took me so long to respond - with NiteFlirt still acting buggy I've been focusing on other things. Now that I know someone is paying attention, I'll try to post more.
camerynmoore said...
Hey there!
Good to see you tackling this subject. I do a LOT of phone-domme work, and am looking at diversifying my holdings, as it were. The two things that are holding me back are 1) getting the money together to start up yet _another_ web site and 2) finding a pro domme willing to take me on (and getting money together for that apprenticeship).
Well, and I sometimes wonder if every domme work done for money has the same problem--that the person giving the money sets the parameters and gets to say, bottom line, how things go. Customer is king, and all that.
Like, if I'm domme-ing for fun, I will pick certain things and run those out for miles and miles, and I will make the sub run with me until he or she is dropping, and I'll make bloody sure that they're liking it. But if someone's paying me, and I want them as a repeat customer, it seems to me that I will always have to subject a little fraction of my domme instinct to the almighty dollar. That's definitely the way it is on the phone; is that your experience in real-life domme work?
Maja Parla said...
Hello DIYDomme,
I have a related question. I've been going to foot parties for a little over a year now, and have had one session with a sub outside of the parties. I am wondering, what advice do you have for acquiring a personal submissive? You know, the kind who just serve you (mostly household chores is what I need), but whom you don't date? (It's hard enough meeting someone you like enough to date, let alone requiring that person to be a sub wanting to do all your housework.)
Obviously, there are the standard safety concerns. Aside from the foot parties, I would meet most potential subs online -- even the footparties only happen a couple/a few times a year and it's not a good enough way to get to know someone well enough to invite them to your house. And online seems equally difficult, but I really really want to meet someone I can trust not to be a lunatic who will serve me!
I suppose I could have some sessions in a local dungeon and once a relationship is established and the sub is vetted, invite them to my house, but that is very time-intensive. I just need some quick n dirty help with folding my clothes that pile up every week, and which I hate doing, sigh!! So I really want to get on this, and don't want to have to see someone in person multiple times. Is that reasonable?
Thanks in advance!
Maja Parla said...
And also, I am assuming the personal submissives do *not* pay you? I suppose if we're doing something *he* wants to do, like clean naked, then I would charge him, but if it's just him doing what *i* want him to do, I shouldnt charge?
Thanks in advance!
Lets see, where to start - setting parameters, Cameryn asked who does this in a ProDomme session, the Domme, or the Sub. In my book, it's the Domme - but I have turned down more sessions than I have taken. I'm very selective and there are many things I will not do in a session, I interview extensively and pretty much know how the session is going to go before it starts. Leaving the carrot dangling is tricky, that's different with every scenario. The phone is different, the boundary of it being a phone call makes it a safe space, I'll explore things by phone that I wouldn't touch in a session, I do like to do ongoing training with the phone that is not usually what the person on the other end called for - by nature it is a low commitment way to play anonymously. If you are a natural Domme, training probably isn't needed. There are some important safety things to know about bondage, mainly don't tie anyone up too tight (particularly diabetics) and it's important to know the laws in the state you are in, but the internet can tell you that/
Maja, my personal opinion is that the urban houseboy is urban myth. If you are in the suburbs, or perhaps rural England a house boy might make more sense - way out there a girl has time to train, many rooms to clean, beds to change etc. If you are an urban apartment dweller you have already discovered why the training would take more time than it's worth - in the time it takes to get your sub trained, you could have done it yourself. If all you need is some shirts folded, I'd say wash and fluff is a better deal than loosing a paying customer, and do you really want your clean clothes touched by a naked man? Sessions should be in the hundreds, sending your laundry out should cost a fraction of that. Do some sessions first, after you have seen men perform poorly to elicit punishment you might not want someone who needs so much guidance fumbling through your precious belongings. Some tasks are just not fun, most people don't enjoy doing laundry - the houseboys want to be in your personal space more than they want to perform menial busywork.
For session pricing, check competition in your own city. Contracts for multi-session schedules are common, if you are even thinking about seeing someone outside of the dungeon - make sure he can follow your rules. As for where to find these slaves, the foot parties are a good start. If you are seeing strangers from websites, the interview process can be tiresome, if you are picky it might take some time before you have any sessions. BDSM specific sites will get you seen by your target audience, it will also get you seen by men who have no intention of booking a session, but would love to talk about one. I was lucky to work with another Domme initially who helped me screen and passed some clients along. You've probably already figured out that this is not the kind of job you talk to your friends to about in a bar, working with another Domme gives you someone to go to with these questions.
It's tempting to want to take that cute guy from the foot worship party home, just be smart about it. Get to know him first, sessions at a dungeon are a safe way to do that. Realize that that there is a very good chance that the person you are dealing with struggles with addiction and or/intimacy problems. Get to know his relationship history, married men are often the best option if you are not looking for a committed relationship. Better a married guy than one who cannot maintain relationships with women. Houseboys and playmates generally do not pay, although I have heard of pro dungeons allowing houseboys to clean for a fee.
Good luck, and be careful.
Cameryn, I am so sorry it took me so long to respond - with NiteFlirt still acting buggy I've been focusing on other things. Now that I know someone is paying attention, I'll try to post more.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
words escape
When I don't know what to say, I open pandora's box and sometimes she tells me something true.
Joshua Radin, Star Mile
Oh doubt in the girl by your side
She's feeding your pride
As you go for a ride
Down the Star Mile
Worlds arise as she lets you come in
A duo begins
To the Hollywood Inn
Of the lonely
And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone
All's well at the base of the hill
You might need to fill
A prescription to kill
Off the silence.
Look down from your tower on high
And take in the night
Look her right in the eye
She'll listen
And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone
Life goes to those that are true
The regular news
Over playing the blues
With the light on
And if you burn the road
That'll lead you back to her in time
I watch you turn to stone
You can't find the sunlight
She's moving on without you
The tide breaks
You watch the stars fade
They gather you back to their home
I guess it's better than being alone
Joshua Radin, Star Mile
Oh doubt in the girl by your side
She's feeding your pride
As you go for a ride
Down the Star Mile
Worlds arise as she lets you come in
A duo begins
To the Hollywood Inn
Of the lonely
And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone
All's well at the base of the hill
You might need to fill
A prescription to kill
Off the silence.
Look down from your tower on high
And take in the night
Look her right in the eye
She'll listen
And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone
Life goes to those that are true
The regular news
Over playing the blues
With the light on
And if you burn the road
That'll lead you back to her in time
I watch you turn to stone
You can't find the sunlight
She's moving on without you
The tide breaks
You watch the stars fade
They gather you back to their home
I guess it's better than being alone
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