Faithful

I've been borderline obsessed with the Alexander McQueen "Faithful" clutch for weeks.

This is the kind of fetish leather I would wear, perhaps with a pair of Chloe motorcycle boots.

Faithfulness is a key trait in a sub, it's unfortunate that there is a strong cross section of submissive fetishists who struggle with sex addictions, and there is nothing faithful about a man who constantly seeks out strangers.

I've found in the past that "breaking in" a "vanilla" man is far simpler than "training" one who identifies as submissive. I recently let my favorite sub go. My gut was telling me that his submissive tendencies were more like fixations, and I worried that if I left him alone he'd start looking for some other Dominant women to buy a McQueen bag for and the way our schedules are leaves him without me allot. He admitted to having a "female attention addiction" and I think thats pretty much the same thing as sex addiction, perhaps with less risk of disease. I'm not going to get into the details - my goal here is to share information with other Dominant women and prospective Dommes, I feel this is worth sharing because many men who have fetishes struggle with these addictions.

Sex addiction has been getting more and more media attention, stars seeking treatment - articles in major news outlets, this one in Elle hits it right on the head.

I'm open minded, I don't expect that a man will never go to a strip club or look at porn. All guys look, but not every guy looks every day.

As I get back on the horse this time I'll be seeking a vanilla connection and a lifestyle match outside the bedroom first, getting guys to do what I want in bed has never been a problem for me.

I'll try to post more, I appreciate the notes and calls. Niteflirt is still acting wonky, but my most faithful callers have been getting through.

Question from a reader

Hi my name is T***. I saw a blog you posted regarding domme work. My friend and I are interested in this type of work. Would you please email me any information you have about finding a job as a dominatrix?
Thank you

Dear T, thanks for the note!

I've said before that phone is a great way to start - but given that my phone site has been down for over a week, I'm not the biggest advocate of that at the moment.

If you want to do live sessions the best way to start is by working with another Domme in your area. Larger Dungeons in big cities do hire, and will usually train. If you are in a smaller city you could try looking for a local Domme on Collarme.com or MaxFisch. Clients sometimes ask for two-girl sessions. I got my start at Foot Fetish parties, you could look for those or other fetish parties in your area. I'd warn against meeting strangers until you have worked with another Domme and found a secure neutral location (not his place or yours) to do your session in. Ropes, electroplay and other advanced bondage techniques do require some training, much of D/s is verbal and I personally feel it should come naturally but it can be cultivated through on-line play or phone.

If you have not already established a "stage name", you may want to do so. As a ProDomme having a stage name serves two very important purposes, first - safety. You don't want your clients knowing your real name, and second - a stage name creates a safe space to play, it's helps you compartmentalize the experiences you'll have, this it especially important when you are dating and domme-ing.

Lastly, set your limits. If there is anything you feel like you would never do, don't bend on that - not for a session. If there are things you might maybe do with an established slave but not a first time session, hold fast on that - sell it. The biggest trick in this industry is selling the fantasy, not giving your sub everything he asked for is actually very good business. This took time for me to learn, women are givers, it's a job and you want to do it well but this job requires an element of fantasy, let there always be a brass ring to grasp.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

NiteFlirt Down

As I am sure some of you noticed, NiteFlirt is down. I just got my cam hooked up and was really looking forward to getting on it this week. Apparently they will be down another week. If you contact me via email we can work something out via amazon gift cards or something of the like.

reach me at;

diydommeblog@gmail.com

This was posted in the speaker forum on NiteFlirt, from the support team as a general announcement to all flirts;

"I know your mad and you have a right to be. And no matter what I say, you will still be mad. I’m not even going to try and say something that I think will make you feel better. We know we made a mistake and we know it is going to take a lot to get back in your good graces."


Good to know I'm not the only one who is steamed about this, we flirts had no notice prior to the outage. I curious what, if anything they will do to "get back in our good graces". They could try paying us faster, the old system worked fine - my only complaint was the 10 days it took to get direct deposit with a %2 fee. They could try paying us more, they currently get about %60 of our earning.

The fairest of the wars

I did not start this blog to talk about my personal life, suffice to say - that would be very complicated. I'm going through some stuff, I'd like to be posting more - I appreciate the phone calls, I really do.

Here is what I can tell you, running errands today these two songs were speaking to me through my MP3 player.

The first is from Nico, you might remember this from The Royal Tenenbaums, or maybe - like me, you are a Velvet Underground fan. Maybe you remember Nico as the Warhol factory muse who fell of her bicycle and died... the song is Fairest of the Seasons

Now that it's time
Now that the hour hand has landed at the end
Now that it's real
Now that the dreams have given all they had to lend
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe try another time
And do I really have a hand in my forgetting ?

Now that I've tried
Now that I've finally found that this is not the way,
Now that I turn
Now that I feel it's time to spend the night away
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe finally split the rhyme
And do I really understand the undernetting ?

Yes and the morning has me
Looking in your eyes
And seeing mine warning me
To read the signs carefully.

Now that it's light
Now that the candle's falling smaller in my mind
Now that it's here
Now that I'm almost not so very far behind
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe follow another sign
And do I really have a song that I can ride on ?


The second is from TV on the Radio, the song is I was a Lover a band I could tell you personal stories about from my Brooklyn days, and maybe someday I will, for now I leave you with this and am off to Brooklyn myself to dance away at least some of my problems.

I was a lover, before this war
held up in a luxury suite, behind a barricaded door
now that I've cleaned up, gone legit
I can see clearly: round hole
round whole, square peg don't fit

I'm locked in my bedroom, so send back the clowns
my clone wears a brown shirt, and I seduce him when there's no one around
mano y mano, on a bed of nails
bring it on like a storm, till I knock the wind out of his sails
And we don't make eye contact, when we have run-in's in town
just a barely polite nod, and nervous stares towards the ground
I once joined a priest class, plastic, inert
in a slowdance with commerce
like a lens up a skirt

And we liked to party
and we kept it live
and we had a three volume tome of contemporary slang
to keep a handle on all this jive

I'd rather DIY than deal with a houseboy.

Are houseboys the new foot fetish? I am bombarded with offers from men who seek to enter my home, take their clothes off and clean naked. Remember what your mom told you? That men just don't see dirt like women do. No one likes to clean, but for the sake of simplicity - and safety I'll DIY before allowing a freaky stranger to get his greasy mitts on my fine crystal.

Years ago with the roommates in Brooklyn we decided to let one of my footslaves "serve" domestically. It was one of those bored craigslists experiments we do when we are young, and the freak just made more of a mess. I left him alone to do the kitchen floor and he made a muddy mess of it and wasn't even green about it, he used a whole roll of paper towels in the process and didn't get all the detergent up, it was sticky. Did he get reprimanded? No, he was just sent home. He had the audacity to ask me for a reference and got his email account blocked, sexy - eh?

In my ideal domestic situation, my sub will do the cleaning. He'll bring me my morning coffee in bed, that would be after some time - this is not my idea of a first date, this is my idea of a primary partner.

There is nothing sexy about identity theft, invasion of personal space or stalking, but these are the risks involved - and the gain a service that is garners low pay. It's simply more risk than benefit, it's also just a cheap date.

In all my time interacting with Dommes, I have never met one who actually has a houseboy. Some pro dungeons allow this, but there is generally a fee involved. For the most part, it is an urban myth.

Whats cookin?

Today I'm thinking about fetish play strait out of the kitchen. Spatulas and wooden spoons are excellent floggers, particularly slotted wooden spoons (smack faster) and you can always put your sub in an apron. Hmmmmm, what else?

I once got a call from a guy claiming to be attempting to put and egg up his butt, I didn't think that sounded like a very good idea but I told him to boil it, then chill it and call me back - I had a friend coming over, she knows I take nightflirt calls so I casually said "oh, this guy might be calling about sticking an egg in his ass" she got such a huge laugh off it, she still says "tell him to stick an egg up his butt" when I complain to her about a sub acting bratty.

Don't try that one at home, kids. What other kitchen items have you used in D/s?

Why I love bows on panties.

I like putting my subs in panties, it ammuses me. Men dressed as women is always funny, it's not the same thing as a sissy - I like real men in women's panties.

A few years back Agent Provocateur had a set of panties with massive silk bow in the back, I coveted them but could not justify $138.00 on a pair of knickers. A couple months ago I found a pink dotted pair at Forever21 in silk with a rear bow, (CrookedHalo actually has the same ones as part of her birthday wishlist on her blog here) I hope she got them, they were not 3 for $10 when I got mine, or I would have bought 3 pairs. Someday I will have to shoot the rear view and share it here. I used the silk tie to secure my panties around my subs cock during playtime, the effect was whimsical.

The next day we went to Victoria's Secret to get him is own pair. We both got a pair of the style pictured on top. While he was wearing his I very carefully snipped the bow off the back with my nail scissors and used it to tie his hands. It's a little short for a restraint, but it does the job. I pulled his down and found that the panties themselves make an excellent ankle restraint, all that elastic is east to work with. I took mine off, bow still attached and bound his cock with them, again - very easy to manipulate, and I positioned the bow at the base - handsome. My sub said the silk-covered elastic didn't pull like woven materials like shoelaces or cords can. I should have taken a picture - next time! Top pic links to the VS site so you can get your own...

Greetings!

Hello internet,

For my first post I thought I would introduce myself, and tell you all how I became The DIY Domme. It's a gentle story, my goal here is to show you the gentler side of BDSM. Most of the Dommes I know are crafty in the yarn and felt way, we are not wicked women - we are the girls next door, you are just living in the wrong house.


Once upon a time there was a unemployed .commer with really hot feet, she was trying on some shoes she only wished she could afford when her fairy fetish sister invited her to a foot fetish party.

It was early 2002, a very strange time in NYC. People were suddenly getting creative, or if they could afford it, capricious. I was on the creative end, I had lost my Manhattan media job and the apartment that went with it, I moved in with some NYU students in Brooklyn, I liked it because there was a sewing machine in the apartment. I made clothes, and sold them in local boutiques, the stuff that didn't look shop-ready I would take to swap meets.

I had a lot of stuff for the east village flea market one Saturday, I got there too late to secure both a clothing rack and a table. I overheard a girl in fuzzy boots stomping around with the reverse dilemma -she had a table, and I had a rack. Sales sucked, we made almost nothing. I was modelling a a pair of her shoes, and she told me I had beautiful feet. I can't recall exactly how she worded her invitation, but it was something like "do you want to make some money?" Of course, I said "what do I have to do?". She told me I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do, and that I could wear whatever I wanted.


She didn't tell me much about what to expect, or what to do - she said not to do any footjobs, because it's illegal. I recoiled and she assured me I wouldn't have to see any dick. I was unsure, it sounded scary. I had never done any type of sex work, lots of girls I have known stripped at one point but I've always known it's not for me, I'd be the pretty,but bored-looking one. A roommate talked me into it, she told me I just needed to get into character, and that my character should be a waspy little bitch. So I showed up after dropping some clothes at a boutique, I told myself I could leave if I didn't like it.

It was at Paddles, a kind of boring kink club -it just never seems full. There is a bar, and a stage but nothings really happening at either. There are all these booths and tables, I just parked myself in a booth to wait for my friend and a guy sat down with me. The only light in the place was blacklight, the white spider-web on his black sneaker was glaring.

Not knowing what one wears to a foot-fetish party, I opted for a miniskirt and legwarmers of my own design. The legwarmers confused the footfetishists. I was hiding part of my leg, was I hiding something? a gruesome scar? bionic shins? I sold a pair of my legwarmers to a black girl in the bathroom, she told me that I "look just like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and The City". The most degrading park of the evening was knowing that I liked being compared to SJP in SATC.

The sessions were totally tame, the guy with the spiderwebs claimed it was his first time too and he paid me well for a G-rated foot massage. There were a few lickers, and I did a bit of trampling (I had most of my weight on a table). They were all so polite, they praised me and worshiped my feet. I walked in thinking that sex work was degrading, but I walked out feeling fabulous. I made a few hundred in a few hours, and I only took my shoes off. The other girls were funny and savvy. We had found this niche, and we were working it.

From the parties, I started doing sessions. I I do have a fabulous shoe collection I don't have a lick of dedicated fetish attire. Not in 2002, not today. I'm allergic to latex, and I think fetish leather is a little corny. It's great for some people, just not me. I prefer leather in shoes gloves and handbags rather than bikinis and chaps. I've made allot of my fetish gear by customizing swim or underwear. I like to mix in designer pieces with stuff tween stores like forever21. Domme work never fully supported me, it paid for some trips and baubles Model work can be erratic, it filled in the holes. It was easier than trying to find a real relationship with a sub, and it was fun,

These days I am mostly retired from the dungeon, I occasionally take sessions with old favorites, or even more occasionally someone I met online. I take calls on a phone service called NiteFlirt, and I truly love it, it's the only job I have ever wanted to do on the weekends. I get to speak with the most interesting people, and it's such a safe space. For someone interested in Domme work, I would say phone work is a great way to learn the landscape.

(The blue button down up there is a link to me on NiteFlirt)