Your comments...

Wow, I didn't know anyone was still reading. I got a couple comments on an old post - tough questions on ProDomme pricing and such, I will attempt to tackle these now. The questions are in italics, my answers are below in plain text. This is a pretty long one, grab a drink and put your feet up!

camerynmoore said...

Hey there!

Good to see you tackling this subject. I do a LOT of phone-domme work, and am looking at diversifying my holdings, as it were. The two things that are holding me back are 1) getting the money together to start up yet _another_ web site and 2) finding a pro domme willing to take me on (and getting money together for that apprenticeship).

Well, and I sometimes wonder if every domme work done for money has the same problem--that the person giving the money sets the parameters and gets to say, bottom line, how things go. Customer is king, and all that.

Like, if I'm domme-ing for fun, I will pick certain things and run those out for miles and miles, and I will make the sub run with me until he or she is dropping, and I'll make bloody sure that they're liking it. But if someone's paying me, and I want them as a repeat customer, it seems to me that I will always have to subject a little fraction of my domme instinct to the almighty dollar. That's definitely the way it is on the phone; is that your experience in real-life domme work?

Maja Parla said...

Hello DIYDomme,

I have a related question. I've been going to foot parties for a little over a year now, and have had one session with a sub outside of the parties. I am wondering, what advice do you have for acquiring a personal submissive? You know, the kind who just serve you (mostly household chores is what I need), but whom you don't date? (It's hard enough meeting someone you like enough to date, let alone requiring that person to be a sub wanting to do all your housework.)

Obviously, there are the standard safety concerns. Aside from the foot parties, I would meet most potential subs online -- even the footparties only happen a couple/a few times a year and it's not a good enough way to get to know someone well enough to invite them to your house. And online seems equally difficult, but I really really want to meet someone I can trust not to be a lunatic who will serve me!

I suppose I could have some sessions in a local dungeon and once a relationship is established and the sub is vetted, invite them to my house, but that is very time-intensive. I just need some quick n dirty help with folding my clothes that pile up every week, and which I hate doing, sigh!! So I really want to get on this, and don't want to have to see someone in person multiple times. Is that reasonable?

Thanks in advance!

Maja Parla said...

And also, I am assuming the personal submissives do *not* pay you? I suppose if we're doing something *he* wants to do, like clean naked, then I would charge him, but if it's just him doing what *i* want him to do, I shouldnt charge?
Thanks in advance!




Lets see, where to start - setting parameters, Cameryn asked who does this in a ProDomme session, the Domme, or the Sub. In my book, it's the Domme - but I have turned down more sessions than I have taken. I'm very selective and there are many things I will not do in a session, I interview extensively and pretty much know how the session is going to go before it starts. Leaving the carrot dangling is tricky, that's different with every scenario. The phone is different, the boundary of it being a phone call makes it a safe space, I'll explore things by phone that I wouldn't touch in a session, I do like to do ongoing training with the phone that is not usually what the person on the other end called for - by nature it is a low commitment way to play anonymously. If you are a natural Domme, training probably isn't needed. There are some important safety things to know about bondage, mainly don't tie anyone up too tight (particularly diabetics) and it's important to know the laws in the state you are in, but the internet can tell you that/

Maja, my personal opinion is that the urban houseboy is urban myth. If you are in the suburbs, or perhaps rural England a house boy might make more sense - way out there a girl has time to train, many rooms to clean, beds to change etc. If you are an urban apartment dweller you have already discovered why the training would take more time than it's worth - in the time it takes to get your sub trained, you could have done it yourself. If all you need is some shirts folded, I'd say wash and fluff is a better deal than loosing a paying customer, and do you really want your clean clothes touched by a naked man? Sessions should be in the hundreds, sending your laundry out should cost a fraction of that. Do some sessions first, after you have seen men perform poorly to elicit punishment you might not want someone who needs so much guidance fumbling through your precious belongings. Some tasks are just not fun, most people don't enjoy doing laundry - the houseboys want to be in your personal space more than they want to perform menial busywork.

For session pricing, check competition in your own city. Contracts for multi-session schedules are common, if you are even thinking about seeing someone outside of the dungeon - make sure he can follow your rules. As for where to find these slaves, the foot parties are a good start. If you are seeing strangers from websites, the interview process can be tiresome, if you are picky it might take some time before you have any sessions. BDSM specific sites will get you seen by your target audience, it will also get you seen by men who have no intention of booking a session, but would love to talk about one. I was lucky to work with another Domme initially who helped me screen and passed some clients along. You've probably already figured out that this is not the kind of job you talk to your friends to about in a bar, working with another Domme gives you someone to go to with these questions.

It's tempting to want to take that cute guy from the foot worship party home, just be smart about it. Get to know him first, sessions at a dungeon are a safe way to do that. Realize that that there is a very good chance that the person you are dealing with struggles with addiction and or/intimacy problems. Get to know his relationship history, married men are often the best option if you are not looking for a committed relationship. Better a married guy than one who cannot maintain relationships with women. Houseboys and playmates generally do not pay, although I have heard of pro dungeons allowing houseboys to clean for a fee.

Good luck, and be careful.

Cameryn, I am so sorry it took me so long to respond - with NiteFlirt still acting buggy I've been focusing on other things. Now that I know someone is paying attention, I'll try to post more.

words escape

When I don't know what to say, I open pandora's box and sometimes she tells me something true.

Joshua Radin, Star Mile
Oh doubt in the girl by your side
She's feeding your pride
As you go for a ride
Down the Star Mile

Worlds arise as she lets you come in
A duo begins
To the Hollywood Inn
Of the lonely

And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

All's well at the base of the hill
You might need to fill
A prescription to kill
Off the silence.

Look down from your tower on high
And take in the night
Look her right in the eye
She'll listen

And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

Life goes to those that are true
The regular news
Over playing the blues
With the light on

And if you burn the road
That'll lead you back to her in time
I watch you turn to stone
You can't find the sunlight

She's moving on without you
The tide breaks
You watch the stars fade
They gather you back to their home
I guess it's better than being alone

Very Sexy Valentines Gifts

A caller thought my valentines gift list was a little too practical, I happen to think the pink laptop is very sexy (imagine me typing on that, in nothing but Manolos).

For those of you who lack imagination, I added a few more overtly sexual pieces.

This blouse, and a dress from Bebe are near the top of my list;


Either would be adorable with these shoes;

Most of the flowers I found on Amazon are ugly ugly ugly, this is the least offensive one I could find


A caller noticed that I have two wish lists, one for NYC and one for California. Thanks for stalking, I'm so flattered. Those of you who keep in touch regularly know that I am bi-coastal and split my time between the coasts. I recently had a really fun week in NYC. WOW, the ups guy JUST CAME as I was typing this. I ordered a new lens for my still camera with gift cards, so get ready for some new photo sets. With the amount of travel I do, gift cards are really the best option. Sent to; diydommeblog@gmail.com

Valentine's day must have's

What better time of year to show love than freezing cold February?

My amazon wish list has a few suggestions;

The Botkier trigger moto,
I have a larger version of this person, this would be perfect for nights out

Long earrings show off my neck



And I could answer your emails so much faster on a pink computer, I'm sure to be very sweet to whoever stuffs my stockings with this



And there is more...

Click here to browse and spoil

The kind of porn I like..

I don't watch porn much, but when I do, I want to be impressed.

No little inchers for me, when I'm watching action on the screen I like it to be big, black and longer than a food.

Like This Video on youporn.com.

I sometimes get asked about femdom video, no - I do not know any good ones. Most of what I have seen is theatrical and fills a subs head with all kinds of silly ideas. I have seen some OK hypno ones and am working on a high-heel hypno bit that I'll eventually record as a vid.

I saw myself on the blogroll at Camryn More today, thanks!

Happy New Year

Hey gang, sorry it's been awhile. I had heartbreak then the holidays.


So, I'm gonna try to update more, at least once a week - if only to let you know what shoes I am oogling. I wish I had good news about niteflirt, the site is still having some issues, calls mostly connect but I can't feature my listings anymore. I miss all the attention and I hope they get things back on track.

Faithful

I've been borderline obsessed with the Alexander McQueen "Faithful" clutch for weeks.

This is the kind of fetish leather I would wear, perhaps with a pair of Chloe motorcycle boots.

Faithfulness is a key trait in a sub, it's unfortunate that there is a strong cross section of submissive fetishists who struggle with sex addictions, and there is nothing faithful about a man who constantly seeks out strangers.

I've found in the past that "breaking in" a "vanilla" man is far simpler than "training" one who identifies as submissive. I recently let my favorite sub go. My gut was telling me that his submissive tendencies were more like fixations, and I worried that if I left him alone he'd start looking for some other Dominant women to buy a McQueen bag for and the way our schedules are leaves him without me allot. He admitted to having a "female attention addiction" and I think thats pretty much the same thing as sex addiction, perhaps with less risk of disease. I'm not going to get into the details - my goal here is to share information with other Dominant women and prospective Dommes, I feel this is worth sharing because many men who have fetishes struggle with these addictions.

Sex addiction has been getting more and more media attention, stars seeking treatment - articles in major news outlets, this one in Elle hits it right on the head.

I'm open minded, I don't expect that a man will never go to a strip club or look at porn. All guys look, but not every guy looks every day.

As I get back on the horse this time I'll be seeking a vanilla connection and a lifestyle match outside the bedroom first, getting guys to do what I want in bed has never been a problem for me.

I'll try to post more, I appreciate the notes and calls. Niteflirt is still acting wonky, but my most faithful callers have been getting through.