DIYDomme

inconvenient reality

2011-03-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

someone who calls him/herself god asked why I never post here anymore.

The same reason I'm not on niteflirt anymore.

I found that what I want, and what the average male on a kink site want are very different.

What you want is a convenient diversion. What I want, is far more complicated and far more rare.

I've decided to put love over kink, in doing that I needed to escape from a world where kink defines me, reality is twisted enough without projection these roles on one another.

I'm not here because this is not my life anymore, I'm busy with the inconveniences of reality.

The real rewards in life don't come as easy as logging onto a site and having a one sided relationship, more than anything the "lifestyle" was isolating me.

I'm back in the real world, see you around in the big blue room...

Not Your Toy

2010-09-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

"It's all false love and affection
You don't want me you just like the attention"

I learned a new word today, Propinquity.

Propinquity can mean physical proximity, a kinship between people, or a similarity in nature between things. It's a way we comfort ourselves, and it's a part of this job.

3 steps to the softest soles ever

2010-09-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

Most submissive men love feet, I've always attracted foot-fetishists not just becxause I have great feet, but because I really love my feet.

I don't have TV, but I remember seeing a commercial while at a relatives house a few years ago for a product called ped-egg, when I saw one one at walgreens I decided to give it a try. It's like a little pink wood rasp, with a catch all for the dead skin (it's pretty gross when it's time to empty it) but the thing is amazing, it takes the dry skin off fast and painlessly, just don't use it when your skin is wet or still supple from a bath or swim, you could take off too much that way.

This has been my bedtime routine all summer (when I'm home at a decent hour) and my feet are amazing, buttery soft and not a callus. Sandals are always tough on my feed, I get rough patches on my heel and my big toe (from high heels) I just work those spots over with the ped egg (step one)

The, moisturize I use coco butter because it really sticks to the skin for step three. I like the solid, pure coco butter, it needs to be warmed a little, your skin will warm it. After you get feed greased up (step 2)

Put a pair socks on (step 3)

Then go to bed, you'll wake up with the softest feet ever, It's best to use a really thick, oily moisturizer that will stay on your feet and not get soaked up by the socks.

Maybe if someone calls and asks really nicely, I'll document the process in video or photo. sweet dreams.

one year later

2010-09-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

I started this blog a little more than a year ago, it's been a strange year, I moved - that always brings all the crap you've been hiding back up and. I had a major heartbreak from the only person I've ever been involved with sexually who really knew what I do. That happened weeks after the niteflirt site problems, my last 10 months have been rather low-kink, I miss it.

Compared with most girls who work in the sex industry, my experiences have been very tame. I did a few sessions, went to a couple parties but was always most comfortable on the phone. I never stripped or did escort work, I had very little face to face interaction with clients and was fully removed from their lives. When I had a customer call every day, I thought it was me he was responding to - not his own desires that had become ingrained habits, it didn't occur to me that he could be doing this every night for years, it was a new experience for me. I was deeply hurt the first time I saw my special guy had left feedback for another girl on niteflirt, and saddened when I learned he's been a regular for years.

I didn't have the experience that strippers have, I never dealt with the rejection of a regular customer moving on to someone else, another version of you, and the realization that to them, you were just a girl who fit the mold, but apparently not as well as the next girl. We get older, and younger girls start working, the supply is endless. It has nothing to do with you personally, most of these men have intimacy issues going back years, maybe you look like a girl from his freshman year science glass, or a favorite stripper. They didn't come for you, the girl is just a player in the scene. It's a job like anything else, your role is set, waitress bring people food, phone sex operators act out fantasies. If you are good at your job, you get repeat business. It's a compliment, but it's not a commitment. On my end, I can pretend the caller is whoever I want, a business traveller or just a normal guy who feels stuck in a sexless marriage, tall sexy men with dark hair and blue eyes like a Disney prince who cherish these stolen moments (that they pay for by credit card). The reality is it's mostly single men who are unable to sustain relationships, and we are their enablers.

Niteflirt's technical problems have been illuminating as well, there has been very little solidarity from the flirts and even less support from the service provider, I know I have said this before but I'll say it again, if niteflirt was ebay we would have this mess sorted out by now. Society is more accepting of people who sell fake designer handbags than they are of the women who are keeping sexual deviants occupied and giving them an outlet.

I wish I had some words of encouragement for the girls who read here for pro-domme tips, the most important thing to know - don't quit your day job. For me, this was a plan B and this is a time when my plan A is bankrupt. The thing to know about ProDomme is more like a trapeze than a safety net, you might get lucky and have a good run, but at the end of the day you are a circus freak.

What is Sex Work

2010-07-14T15:20:00.001-07:00

Maja's comment on my last post got me thinking, what is a sex worker? I asked google, and this what I gleaned.

* The sex industry consists of commercial enterprises which employ sex workers in various capacities, generally relating to what is described as adult entertainment which includes erotica, as it comprises a number of forms of entertainment not considered suitable for children.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_industry

If a Sex Industry worker is anyone employed in entertainment that is not suitable for minors that means hi-t0-low end hookers, phone sex-ers, trafficers, truck stop trixies, porn shop counter-person, dirty dvd dubber and occasional fetish party atendees are all in the same category.

NiteFlirt describes the phone service providers as "advisers" but people who provide tax advice and even the phone tarot readers don't get thrown under the bus due to technical difficulties. It's a good thing you have a day job, Maja because those are the people who might show interest in your professional development, at the very least they understand that showing up there is what keeps you fed and pays for the roof over your head.

In the adult industry, we have to pretend we are there for the fun and our clients and business partners can dangle allegiance like a carrot, or just forget about us if it's more convenient. The biggest risk of sex work is becoming dependent on any part of it, don't depend on the money - these companies won't take care of you if they have problems. Don't depend on your clients, as friend or as anything else. These men are paying to have a worry free interaction, the last thing they want to care about is your life - they only want your soft soles, mean teasing - whatever their kink is is where the caring begins and ends. These are not the kind of men who remember birthdays, the sad irony of submissive men is that I have never met onE who takes any initiative in doing anything that has any benefit for me. They will buy you shoes for a session, dinner for their entertainment, but don't call them when rent is due or when you are sick, there is nothing sexy about a woman with actual problems.

The old saying that you don't pay a hooker for sex you pay her to leave hold true for every aspect of the industry, they are paying to call me so I will never call them. They are paying to not owe me anything.

Your comments...

2010-07-12T18:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, I didn't know anyone was still reading. I got a couple comments on an old post - tough questions on ProDomme pricing and such, I will attempt to tackle these now. The questions are in italics, my answers are below in plain text. This is a pretty long one, grab a drink and put your feet up!

camerynmoore said...

Hey there!

Good to see you tackling this subject. I do a LOT of phone-domme work, and am looking at diversifying my holdings, as it were. The two things that are holding me back are 1) getting the money together to start up yet _another_ web site and 2) finding a pro domme willing to take me on (and getting money together for that apprenticeship).

Well, and I sometimes wonder if every domme work done for money has the same problem--that the person giving the money sets the parameters and gets to say, bottom line, how things go. Customer is king, and all that.

Like, if I'm domme-ing for fun, I will pick certain things and run those out for miles and miles, and I will make the sub run with me until he or she is dropping, and I'll make bloody sure that they're liking it. But if someone's paying me, and I want them as a repeat customer, it seems to me that I will always have to subject a little fraction of my domme instinct to the almighty dollar. That's definitely the way it is on the phone; is that your experience in real-life domme work?

Maja Parla said...

Hello DIYDomme,

I have a related question. I've been going to foot parties for a little over a year now, and have had one session with a sub outside of the parties. I am wondering, what advice do you have for acquiring a personal submissive? You know, the kind who just serve you (mostly household chores is what I need), but whom you don't date? (It's hard enough meeting someone you like enough to date, let alone requiring that person to be a sub wanting to do all your housework.)

Obviously, there are the standard safety concerns. Aside from the foot parties, I would meet most potential subs online -- even the footparties only happen a couple/a few times a year and it's not a good enough way to get to know someone well enough to invite them to your house. And online seems equally difficult, but I really really want to meet someone I can trust not to be a lunatic who will serve me!

I suppose I could have some sessions in a local dungeon and once a relationship is established and the sub is vetted, invite them to my house, but that is very time-intensive. I just need some quick n dirty help with folding my clothes that pile up every week, and which I hate doing, sigh!! So I really want to get on this, and don't want to have to see someone in person multiple times. Is that reasonable?

Thanks in advance!

Maja Parla said...

And also, I am assuming the personal submissives do *not* pay you? I suppose if we're doing something *he* wants to do, like clean naked, then I would charge him, but if it's just him doing what *i* want him to do, I shouldnt charge?
Thanks in advance!

Lets see, where to start - setting parameters, Cameryn asked who does this in a ProDomme session, the Domme, or the Sub. In my book, it's the Domme - but I have turned down more sessions than I have taken. I'm very selective and there are many things I will not do in a session, I interview extensively and pretty much know how the session is going to go before it starts. Leaving the carrot dangling is tricky, that's different with every scenario. The phone is different, the boundary of it being a phone call makes it a safe space, I'll explore things by phone that I wouldn't touch in a session, I do like to do ongoing training with the phone that is not usually what the person on the other end called for - by nature it is a low commitment way to play anonymously. If you are a natural Domme, training probably isn't needed. There are some important safety things to know about bondage, mainly don't tie anyone up too tight (particularly diabetics) and it's important to know the laws in the state you are in, but the internet can tell you that/

Maja, my personal opinion is that the urban houseboy is urban myth. If you are in the suburbs, or perhaps rural England a house boy might make more sense - way out there a girl has time to train, many rooms to clean, beds to change etc. If you are an urban apartment dweller you have already discovered why the training would take more time than it's worth - in the time it takes to get your sub trained, you could have done it yourself. If all you need is some shirts folded, I'd say wash and fluff is a better deal than loosing a paying customer, and do you really want your clean clothes touched by a naked man? Sessions should be in the hundreds, sending your laundry out should cost a fraction of that. Do some sessions first, after you have seen men perform poorly to elicit punishment you might not want someone who needs so much guidance fumbling through your precious belongings. Some tasks are just not fun, most people don't enjoy doing laundry - the houseboys want to be in your personal space more than they want to perform menial busywork.

For session pricing, check competition in your own city. Contracts for multi-session schedules are common, if you are even thinking about seeing someone outside of the dungeon - make sure he can follow your rules. As for where to find these slaves, the foot parties are a good start. If you are seeing strangers from websites, the interview process can be tiresome, if you are picky it might take some time before you have any sessions. BDSM specific sites will get you seen by your target audience, it will also get you seen by men who have no intention of booking a session, but would love to talk about one. I was lucky to work with another Domme initially who helped me screen and passed some clients along. You've probably already figured out that this is not the kind of job you talk to your friends to about in a bar, working with another Domme gives you someone to go to with these questions.

It's tempting to want to take that cute guy from the foot worship party home, just be smart about it. Get to know him first, sessions at a dungeon are a safe way to do that. Realize that that there is a very good chance that the person you are dealing with struggles with addiction and or/intimacy problems. Get to know his relationship history, married men are often the best option if you are not looking for a committed relationship. Better a married guy than one who cannot maintain relationships with women. Houseboys and playmates generally do not pay, although I have heard of pro dungeons allowing houseboys to clean for a fee.

Good luck, and be careful.

Cameryn, I am so sorry it took me so long to respond - with NiteFlirt still acting buggy I've been focusing on other things. Now that I know someone is paying attention, I'll try to post more.

words escape

2010-07-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

When I don't know what to say, I open pandora's box and sometimes she tells me something true.

Joshua Radin, Star Mile
Oh doubt in the girl by your side
She's feeding your pride
As you go for a ride
Down the Star Mile

Worlds arise as she lets you come in
A duo begins
To the Hollywood Inn
Of the lonely

And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

All's well at the base of the hill
You might need to fill
A prescription to kill
Off the silence.

Look down from your tower on high
And take in the night
Look her right in the eye
She'll listen

And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

Life goes to those that are true
The regular news
Over playing the blues
With the light on

And if you burn the road
That'll lead you back to her in time
I watch you turn to stone
You can't find the sunlight

She's moving on without you
The tide breaks
You watch the stars fade
They gather you back to their home
I guess it's better than being alone

Very Sexy Valentines Gifts

2010-02-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

A caller thought my valentines gift list was a little too practical, I happen to think the pink laptop is very sexy (imagine me typing on that, in nothing but Manolos).

For those of you who lack imagination, I added a few more overtly sexual pieces.

This blouse, and a dress from Bebe are near the top of my list;

Either would be adorable with these shoes;

Most of the flowers I found on Amazon are ugly ugly ugly, this is the least offensive one I could find

A caller noticed that I have two wish lists, one for NYC and one for California. Thanks for stalking, I'm so flattered. Those of you who keep in touch regularly know that I am bi-coastal and split my time between the coasts. I recently had a really fun week in NYC. WOW, the ups guy JUST CAME as I was typing this. I ordered a new lens for my still camera with gift cards, so get ready for some new photo sets. With the amount of travel I do, gift cards are really the best option. Sent to; diydommeblog@gmail.com

Valentine's day must have's

2010-01-30T15:04:00.000-08:00

What better time of year to show love than freezing cold February?

My amazon wish list has a few suggestions;

The Botkier trigger moto,
I have a larger version of this person, this would be perfect for nights out

Long earrings show off my neck

And I could answer your emails so much faster on a pink computer, I'm sure to be very sweet to whoever stuffs my stockings with this

And there is more...

Click here to browse and spoil

The kind of porn I like..

2010-01-12T15:22:00.000-08:00

I don't watch porn much, but when I do, I want to be impressed.

No little inchers for me, when I'm watching action on the screen I like it to be big, black and longer than a food.

Like This Video on youporn.com.

I sometimes get asked about femdom video, no - I do not know any good ones. Most of what I have seen is theatrical and fills a subs head with all kinds of silly ideas. I have seen some OK hypno ones and am working on a high-heel hypno bit that I'll eventually record as a vid.

I saw myself on the blogroll at Camryn More today, thanks!

Happy New Year

2010-01-12T04:50:00.000-08:00

Hey gang, sorry it's been awhile. I had heartbreak then the holidays.

So, I'm gonna try to update more, at least once a week - if only to let you know what shoes I am oogling. I wish I had good news about niteflirt, the site is still having some issues, calls mostly connect but I can't feature my listings anymore. I miss all the attention and I hope they get things back on track.

Faithful

2009-10-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

I've been borderline obsessed with the Alexander McQueen "Faithful" clutch for weeks.

This is the kind of fetish leather I would wear, perhaps with a pair of Chloe motorcycle boots.

Faithfulness is a key trait in a sub, it's unfortunate that there is a strong cross section of submissive fetishists who struggle with sex addictions, and there is nothing faithful about a man who constantly seeks out strangers.

I've found in the past that "breaking in" a "vanilla" man is far simpler than "training" one who identifies as submissive. I recently let my favorite sub go. My gut was telling me that his submissive tendencies were more like fixations, and I worried that if I left him alone he'd start looking for some other Dominant women to buy a McQueen bag for and the way our schedules are leaves him without me allot. He admitted to having a "female attention addiction" and I think thats pretty much the same thing as sex addiction, perhaps with less risk of disease. I'm not going to get into the details - my goal here is to share information with other Dominant women and prospective Dommes, I feel this is worth sharing because many men who have fetishes struggle with these addictions.

Sex addiction has been getting more and more media attention, stars seeking treatment - articles in major news outlets, this one in Elle hits it right on the head.

I'm open minded, I don't expect that a man will never go to a strip club or look at porn. All guys look, but not every guy looks every day.

As I get back on the horse this time I'll be seeking a vanilla connection and a lifestyle match outside the bedroom first, getting guys to do what I want in bed has never been a problem for me.

I'll try to post more, I appreciate the notes and calls. Niteflirt is still acting wonky, but my most faithful callers have been getting through.

Question from a reader

2009-09-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

Hi my name is T***. I saw a blog you posted regarding domme work. My friend and I are interested in this type of work. Would you please email me any information you have about finding a job as a dominatrix?
Thank you

Dear T, thanks for the note!

I've said before that phone is a great way to start - but given that my phone site has been down for over a week, I'm not the biggest advocate of that at the moment.

If you want to do live sessions the best way to start is by working with another Domme in your area. Larger Dungeons in big cities do hire, and will usually train. If you are in a smaller city you could try looking for a local Domme on Collarme.com or MaxFisch. Clients sometimes ask for two-girl sessions. I got my start at Foot Fetish parties, you could look for those or other fetish parties in your area. I'd warn against meeting strangers until you have worked with another Domme and found a secure neutral location (not his place or yours) to do your session in. Ropes, electroplay and other advanced bondage techniques do require some training, much of D/s is verbal and I personally feel it should come naturally but it can be cultivated through on-line play or phone.

If you have not already established a "stage name", you may want to do so. As a ProDomme having a stage name serves two very important purposes, first - safety. You don't want your clients knowing your real name, and second - a stage name creates a safe space to play, it's helps you compartmentalize the experiences you'll have, this it especially important when you are dating and domme-ing.

Lastly, set your limits. If there is anything you feel like you would never do, don't bend on that - not for a session. If there are things you might maybe do with an established slave but not a first time session, hold fast on that - sell it. The biggest trick in this industry is selling the fantasy, not giving your sub everything he asked for is actually very good business. This took time for me to learn, women are givers, it's a job and you want to do it well but this job requires an element of fantasy, let there always be a brass ring to grasp.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

NiteFlirt Down

2009-09-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

As I am sure some of you noticed, NiteFlirt is down. I just got my cam hooked up and was really looking forward to getting on it this week. Apparently they will be down another week. If you contact me via email we can work something out via amazon gift cards or something of the like.

reach me at;

diydommeblog@gmail.com

This was posted in the speaker forum on NiteFlirt, from the support team as a general announcement to all flirts;

"I know your mad and you have a right to be. And no matter what I say, you will still be mad. I’m not even going to try and say something that I think will make you feel better. We know we made a mistake and we know it is going to take a lot to get back in your good graces."

Good to know I'm not the only one who is steamed about this, we flirts had no notice prior to the outage. I curious what, if anything they will do to "get back in our good graces". They could try paying us faster, the old system worked fine - my only complaint was the 10 days it took to get direct deposit with a %2 fee. They could try paying us more, they currently get about %60 of our earning.

The fairest of the wars

2009-09-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

I did not start this blog to talk about my personal life, suffice to say - that would be very complicated. I'm going through some stuff, I'd like to be posting more - I appreciate the phone calls, I really do.

Here is what I can tell you, running errands today these two songs were speaking to me through my MP3 player.

The first is from Nico, you might remember this from The Royal Tenenbaums, or maybe - like me, you are a Velvet Underground fan. Maybe you remember Nico as the Warhol factory muse who fell of her bicycle and died... the song is Fairest of the Seasons

Now that it's time
Now that the hour hand has landed at the end
Now that it's real
Now that the dreams have given all they had to lend
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe try another time
And do I really have a hand in my forgetting ?

Now that I've tried
Now that I've finally found that this is not the way,
Now that I turn
Now that I feel it's time to spend the night away
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe finally split the rhyme
And do I really understand the undernetting ?

Yes and the morning has me
Looking in your eyes
And seeing mine warning me
To read the signs carefully.

Now that it's light
Now that the candle's falling smaller in my mind
Now that it's here
Now that I'm almost not so very far behind
I want to know do I stay or do I go
And maybe follow another sign
And do I really have a song that I can ride on ?

The second is from TV on the Radio, the song is I was a Lover a band I could tell you personal stories about from my Brooklyn days, and maybe someday I will, for now I leave you with this and am off to Brooklyn myself to dance away at least some of my problems.

I was a lover, before this war
held up in a luxury suite, behind a barricaded door
now that I've cleaned up, gone legit
I can see clearly: round hole
round whole, square peg don't fit

I'm locked in my bedroom, so send back the clowns
my clone wears a brown shirt, and I seduce him when there's no one around
mano y mano, on a bed of nails
bring it on like a storm, till I knock the wind out of his sails
And we don't make eye contact, when we have run-in's in town
just a barely polite nod, and nervous stares towards the ground
I once joined a priest class, plastic, inert
in a slowdance with commerce
like a lens up a skirt

And we liked to party
and we kept it live
and we had a three volume tome of contemporary slang
to keep a handle on all this jive

I'd rather DIY than deal with a houseboy.

2009-09-04T21:18:00.000-07:00

Are houseboys the new foot fetish? I am bombarded with offers from men who seek to enter my home, take their clothes off and clean naked. Remember what your mom told you? That men just don't see dirt like women do. No one likes to clean, but for the sake of simplicity - and safety I'll DIY before allowing a freaky stranger to get his greasy mitts on my fine crystal.

Years ago with the roommates in Brooklyn we decided to let one of my footslaves "serve" domestically. It was one of those bored craigslists experiments we do when we are young, and the freak just made more of a mess. I left him alone to do the kitchen floor and he made a muddy mess of it and wasn't even green about it, he used a whole roll of paper towels in the process and didn't get all the detergent up, it was sticky. Did he get reprimanded? No, he was just sent home. He had the audacity to ask me for a reference and got his email account blocked, sexy - eh?

In my ideal domestic situation, my sub will do the cleaning. He'll bring me my morning coffee in bed, that would be after some time - this is not my idea of a first date, this is my idea of a primary partner.

There is nothing sexy about identity theft, invasion of personal space or stalking, but these are the risks involved - and the gain a service that is garners low pay. It's simply more risk than benefit, it's also just a cheap date.

In all my time interacting with Dommes, I have never met one who actually has a houseboy. Some pro dungeons allow this, but there is generally a fee involved. For the most part, it is an urban myth.

Whats cookin?

2009-09-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

Today I'm thinking about fetish play strait out of the kitchen. Spatulas and wooden spoons are excellent floggers, particularly slotted wooden spoons (smack faster) and you can always put your sub in an apron. Hmmmmm, what else?

I once got a call from a guy claiming to be attempting to put and egg up his butt, I didn't think that sounded like a very good idea but I told him to boil it, then chill it and call me back - I had a friend coming over, she knows I take nightflirt calls so I casually said "oh, this guy might be calling about sticking an egg in his ass" she got such a huge laugh off it, she still says "tell him to stick an egg up his butt" when I complain to her about a sub acting bratty.

Don't try that one at home, kids. What other kitchen items have you used in D/s?

Why I love bows on panties.

2009-08-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

I like putting my subs in panties, it ammuses me. Men dressed as women is always funny, it's not the same thing as a sissy - I like real men in women's panties.

A few years back Agent Provocateur had a set of panties with massive silk bow in the back, I coveted them but could not justify $138.00 on a pair of knickers. A couple months ago I found a pink dotted pair at Forever21 in silk with a rear bow, (CrookedHalo actually has the same ones as part of her birthday wishlist on her blog here) I hope she got them, they were not 3 for $10 when I got mine, or I would have bought 3 pairs. Someday I will have to shoot the rear view and share it here. I used the silk tie to secure my panties around my subs cock during playtime, the effect was whimsical.

The next day we went to Victoria's Secret to get him is own pair. We both got a pair of the style pictured on top. While he was wearing his I very carefully snipped the bow off the back with my nail scissors and used it to tie his hands. It's a little short for a restraint, but it does the job. I pulled his down and found that the panties themselves make an excellent ankle restraint, all that elastic is east to work with. I took mine off, bow still attached and bound his cock with them, again - very easy to manipulate, and I positioned the bow at the base - handsome. My sub said the silk-covered elastic didn't pull like woven materials like shoelaces or cords can. I should have taken a picture - next time! Top pic links to the VS site so you can get your own...

Greetings!

2009-08-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

Hello internet,

For my first post I thought I would introduce myself, and tell you all how I became The DIY Domme. It's a gentle story, my goal here is to show you the gentler side of BDSM. Most of the Dommes I know are crafty in the yarn and felt way, we are not wicked women - we are the girls next door, you are just living in the wrong house.

Once upon a time there was a unemployed .commer with really hot feet, she was trying on some shoes she only wished she could afford when her fairy fetish sister invited her to a foot fetish party.

It was early 2002, a very strange time in NYC. People were suddenly getting creative, or if they could afford it, capricious. I was on the creative end, I had lost my Manhattan media job and the apartment that went with it, I moved in with some NYU students in Brooklyn, I liked it because there was a sewing machine in the apartment. I made clothes, and sold them in local boutiques, the stuff that didn't look shop-ready I would take to swap meets.

I had a lot of stuff for the east village flea market one Saturday, I got there too late to secure both a clothing rack and a table. I overheard a girl in fuzzy boots stomping around with the reverse dilemma -she had a table, and I had a rack. Sales sucked, we made almost nothing. I was modelling a a pair of her shoes, and she told me I had beautiful feet. I can't recall exactly how she worded her invitation, but it was something like "do you want to make some money?" Of course, I said "what do I have to do?". She told me I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do, and that I could wear whatever I wanted.

She didn't tell me much about what to expect, or what to do - she said not to do any footjobs, because it's illegal. I recoiled and she assured me I wouldn't have to see any dick. I was unsure, it sounded scary. I had never done any type of sex work, lots of girls I have known stripped at one point but I've always known it's not for me, I'd be the pretty,but bored-looking one. A roommate talked me into it, she told me I just needed to get into character, and that my character should be a waspy little bitch. So I showed up after dropping some clothes at a boutique, I told myself I could leave if I didn't like it.

It was at Paddles, a kind of boring kink club -it just never seems full. There is a bar, and a stage but nothings really happening at either. There are all these booths and tables, I just parked myself in a booth to wait for my friend and a guy sat down with me. The only light in the place was blacklight, the white spider-web on his black sneaker was glaring.

Not knowing what one wears to a foot-fetish party, I opted for a miniskirt and legwarmers of my own design. The legwarmers confused the footfetishists. I was hiding part of my leg, was I hiding something? a gruesome scar? bionic shins? I sold a pair of my legwarmers to a black girl in the bathroom, she told me that I "look just like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and The City". The most degrading park of the evening was knowing that I liked being compared to SJP in SATC.

The sessions were totally tame, the guy with the spiderwebs claimed it was his first time too and he paid me well for a G-rated foot massage. There were a few lickers, and I did a bit of trampling (I had most of my weight on a table). They were all so polite, they praised me and worshiped my feet. I walked in thinking that sex work was degrading, but I walked out feeling fabulous. I made a few hundred in a few hours, and I only took my shoes off. The other girls were funny and savvy. We had found this niche, and we were working it.

From the parties, I started doing sessions. I I do have a fabulous shoe collection I don't have a lick of dedicated fetish attire. Not in 2002, not today. I'm allergic to latex, and I think fetish leather is a little corny. It's great for some people, just not me. I prefer leather in shoes gloves and handbags rather than bikinis and chaps. I've made allot of my fetish gear by customizing swim or underwear. I like to mix in designer pieces with stuff tween stores like forever21. Domme work never fully supported me, it paid for some trips and baubles Model work can be erratic, it filled in the holes. It was easier than trying to find a real relationship with a sub, and it was fun,

These days I am mostly retired from the dungeon, I occasionally take sessions with old favorites, or even more occasionally someone I met online. I take calls on a phone service called NiteFlirt, and I truly love it, it's the only job I have ever wanted to do on the weekends. I get to speak with the most interesting people, and it's such a safe space. For someone interested in Domme work, I would say phone work is a great way to learn the landscape.

(The blue button down up there is a link to me on NiteFlirt)